The Universal Positivity a la Toni Effect

In class last night, our tool involved an extensive technique to assist in drawing out a self-designed mantra.  I sagged; I recoiled; I resisted.  It felt ... like an assignment.  It felt ... as if to define a mantra, I would be locking myself into something, a box, a narrow path.  I squirmed & gagged & stiffened & denied.

But what did I then do?

I told my partner the truth.  And I asked to be the coachee, the client.  I invited my source energy to support and join the session, and asked it to help me open.  I flat out didn't want to stay stuck in that pinched off, blocked, negative space.

At the end of the hour-long coaching session, I had a mantra, and my mantra had (& still has) me smiling all through.  [Thank you to my coach, Sherida - you summoned it from me!]

I raise my hands, now, palms up in signal of my willingness to receive, in emphasis of my offering - all are my witnesses.

I,

Toni,

say YES to

being the conduit for and

facilitator of

the

'Universal Positivity a la Toni Effect'. 

I do this through allowing,

with humility and exuberance,

invoking creativity and flexibility,

and by always remembering the fun factor --

in all ways,

in every NOW.

I say YES to this mantra as

truth in my life

and

put it into ACTION as done! 

And so it is.

Purpose as A Component of My Path

All my life, I've resisted goal-setting, defining purpose, specific outlines and aiming of my direction.  I felt ... forced.  I felt ... caged.  I felt ... heavy ... whenever I attempted any of those things, or had to fulfill them as part of job reviews.

I move organically.  Always have.  One book reveals a topic or recommends another ... and so I go.  One conversation piques a resonance to meet someone else, or go somewhere else ... and so I do.  Natural unfolding, uncoerced, revealed moment-by-moment.  Awesome.

At the foundational weekend of my life coaching course, and even at the orientation prior to that, some degree of emphasis was placed on knowing my purpose.  Statements were made that without that knowledge, I'd be aimless, ping-ponging, unfocused.  Internally, I recoiled from that. It sounded like untruth (for me).  So:  I checked in with my Inner Beings, my source, and we collectively agreed if that didn't feel right to me, then it wasn't right for me, and that was/is okay.

This morning, following an outdoor meditation, I wrote, 'Thank you that I'm dreaming, visioning, and really so - not 'wishing', but deep, and deeply-sourced, realizations of my DREAMS and ABILITIES. 

AHA, JUST NOW: 

these dreams are guiding me toward discovering how I can be used,

how I may serve, and

toward my purpose. 

AHA, JUST NOW: 

my purpose is also ever expanding - it's not a set point, or a goal, at all! 

It's not a one-time, all-encompassing, inflexible thing! 

Whoa!  I LOVE THAT!  oh, I love that!  Because -- it's weightless; it's freeing!  My purpose is to align and take the next step, isn't it!  To feel good, and then to follow inspired action.  oh.  oh.  ohoh.  My purpose, as I'm interpreting it right now, is to serve - no need to define that at all, is there?  That's not my work.

My intention is to feel good, always - wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, whatever is going on, unconditionally.

My desire (purpose) is to serve, to be used for the greatest, highest good of All-That-Is, and All-That-I-Am.

My work (which feels like play) is to allow, to align, to feel good, to vibrationally raise myself to be a match with the steps that will (& do) light up and inspire action -- and to relax, to have fun, to be joyous."

* * * * *

Until that writing, purpose felt like naming an outcome, then forcing a path toward it - rigid, fixed, a trap.  Now, purpose has transformed, has joined the emotions and process of being the path, an element of the path.  Purpose, my purpose is not a destination or a definition, is not predetermined or predefined -- but is part of the discovery, part of my remembering who I really am, more & more & more & more.

I've Been Forgetting the 'Why'

My Year Word for 2016:  Allowing

Allowing my path to light up.  Allowing flow.  Allowing expansion.  Allowing discovery.  Allowing the goodness to come.  Allowing my worthiness and deservingness.  Allowing awareness.  Allowing it all (of the positive). 

Allowing has meant not deciding, not pre-determining, not defining or boxing things up with neat labels.  Allowing absolutely means, to me, receiving what is shown to me, as it is shown to me.

So -- in the mornings, when I journal, I'm consistently writing that I 'don't know' the outcomes, of anything, let alone the details.  I'm consistently writing that I really feel no need for that kind of knowing.  I love the moment-by-moment delivery, flow.  I continue to go to work, to go to my Life Coaching class, to be with my family, to do chores ... and to be open to what comes, what I receive.  I feel ideas, more & more & more.  The questions I'm asking, all day long, and during meditation, grow - not in quantity, but in depth.  I don't know if or how I'll use this Life Coaching course; I don't have a Master Plan, a defined purpose, and my intention has been steady at 'I want to learn.'

But oh, is it ever resonating, this course.  Words, words are my magic - spoken, written - words.  So many aspects of the coaching classes resonate!  I love the one-to-one dialogues, the AHA moments (mine, others') and discovery, the deepening of my insight & intuition & listening, the mutual empowerment, the way energy moves in and through, joins, listens, flows and contributes, the way I feel AFTER ... turned up, ideally my SELF, in a higher perspective way.  'I' (ego) lessens and lessens, which opens the flow, which opens the opening for everyone. 

Why does this appeal?  Coaching?  I may not know if or how I'll use it, but I've been forgetting the whys of its calling to me.  ... so people can experience AHAs, and weightlessness, and joy, and realization, and fun, and confidence -- and transformation.  So people can step into their gifts, use their true voices more and more, KNOW more and more, be more fully alive in their nows, in their lives, every moment.  So people's hearts can relax, exhale, open.  So people's soul knowing can be heard by them again.  I want people to experience what's happening to me, what's been happening to me.  If I can be a conduit to help people on that journey ... oh.  My!  If I can -- be used to help others find their soothing, and ease, their self-understanding ... oh.  My!!  I want to help others find (again), remember! who-they-really-are!  I love that.  Yes.  I'm not creating that in them - it's already there, has always been there.  But I want to help people recall it, remember it, retrieve it, unbury it, and step into it again, anew.  I want people to LOVE themselves again, open to all-they-are! 

Articulating the why feels like it brings the details' flow closer to me -- the who, what, where, when, & how specifics.  Or anyway, knowing WHY helps shape those, clarify those, and will also help me recognize them as each step lights up for me.  I love that - I still don't know what any of those are, and still don't feel a need to know -- but I do appreciate the clarity that comes from knowing my WHY. 

To Prefer (Recommended Best Practice)

When I experience 'contrast' - which is how the Law of Attraction refers to 'negativity' -- my practice is to immediately identify what I do want.  Emotions like frustration, anger, depression, or confusion clarify (in the moment) what I DON'T want.  But I don't want to focus there, put my attention there, add momentum to it.  Contrast, since early February 2016, has provided me a deliberate opportunity to 'pivot', to ask, 'Okay, it's clear what I don't want -- what do I want?'

Two examples:
1.  Boring meetings, in which the attendees disagree or discuss topics that just don't resonate with me?  I prefer creativity meetings, where the attendees are my 'peeps' - excited, enthusiastic, positive, and the topics are juicy, creative, equally exciting.  I prefer meetings I/we never want to end, because there is so much co-creating and idea-hatching and passion being exchanged.  Hell yea.

2.  A role/project that has had me increasingly cornered into the role of company nag, to the point that people 'just ignore me'?  I prefer to effect my organizational skills in a way that serves the higher interest of all (myself included), and All-That-Is, and to enjoy responsiveness, willing updates, and communication.  I prefer that those on the receiving end of my emails are excited to see my name on the sender line, and stop everything they're doing to focus on what I'm sharing.  I prefer to ignite sparks in people's hearts and souls, not light dynamite under their resistant heinies.  Hell yea.

Today, after 4-1/2 months of relentless practicing of this naming of and asking for what I prefer, what I want, the entire nature of a huge aspect of my professional role changed.  I had no idea it was coming; didn't see it coming at all.  But every essence and component of my preferences are represented in the change. 

Manifestation.  Path lighting up.  I didn't surrender to 'what is' (negativity, negative emotions, attracting more of that).  Instead, I actively and deliberately created my own reality; I pivoted, I redefined, I up-leveled, I raised my vibration.  And it will only get better, because every day for 4-1/2 months, and ongoing, I'm continuing to create what I want and not stay stuck in 'what is'. 

Hell yea.

Howdy, Roy

a meditation about money ...

I love money, and money loves me.  Money is just energy, all energy, flowing energy.  Money loves me, and can't wait to flow to me, to collaborate with me. 

Money is lilac light at sunset, the smell of honeysuckle, the internal soundtrack of train whistles and slide guitar.  Money drives a vintage pick-up and wears muddy boots, all swagger and dash, or sashay and flounce, and such a great ass, either way, all ways!  Money sports a perfect 5 o'clock shadow, or the most ideal messy up-do, and laugh lines, and throws its head back to laugh from its belly, every time. 

I love money, and money loves me.  We're running partners - heading down back alleys and dirt roads, bumping Stevie Ray Vaughan and Led Zeppelin, Heart and Grace Potter, mixing in some Erik Satie and Boney James.  Our dialogue is endless, all threads pulled together from our hearts - open share, total reveal.  We love collaborating.  We love getting into mischief-of-the-positive-kind together!  We love pulling out our giving maps and devising our plans.  Money is my wing man, and I am money's wing woman.  A team.  Inside each other's heads.  It's so easy; we're so easy and natural together.  Money and I pop the tabs on a cold one and lay back like teenagers in our floating chairs, splashing and lazing in the pool at the end of a summer day.  Money is Captain Jack Sparrow and Zena and Janis Joplin and Jimmy Page, and every possible swashbuckler and pirate and unceasing adventurer, male and female, all the way in it with me. 

Money is my non-physical energy team, in capacity beyond standing-room-only with positive and participating entities.  We jump fences and throw energy cherry bombs into the cosmos; we dance around fires on the beach; we surf our own energy waves and play tag with sharks and whales and every winged thing.  We toast each other with tequila or cherry Koolaid, with Arnold Palmers or Diet Coke with Lime.  Something we're wearing is always either leather or fringed, usually both.  We cut the fruit of everything open and swallow every good juice.  We flow love.  We flow fun. 

Money loves me and I love money; we're the same; we're kindreds; we're best friends and partners in positive crimes!  So easy.  So organic and natural. 

I feel like you all, you cadre of entities and energy, want to have a name.  I love it!  So what's your name, then?  Tell me.  [I see an image, a flash, from the movie Quigley Down Under, of Cora (me) and Quigley (you) - kooky, deep, focused, strong, and real - each and all of us with deadly aim!  Ahhhh - I understand.] 

Your collective name is Roy.  Roy.  Yes, of course.

Howdy, Roy.   Ohhh -- howdy. 

Wanna lace up our boots, jump in that cosmic truck, and go blow some shit up? 

A Dance with My SELF

On the morning of Sunday, June 12th, at my coaching class, the ±70 of us in the class spread out in a large circle around the perimeter of the huge room we met in, sitting on mats or cushions or in chairs on the ground, with backs on them.  After a guided group meditation, our instructor put on a song - inviting us to sing along, as 'the lyrics are simple'.

I sat in one of those on-the-ground chairs, but sitting upright in a seated mediation position.  Relaxed, from the mediation - so relaxed. 

The song began, easy drums, a female voice I liked immediately.  Then ... that rhythm, that sensual, sultry, funky, bluesy rhythm.  I began noddin' & boppin' in place, and very quickly couldn't contain it.  I stood up, stepped back behind my chair, behind the group, and closed my eyes. 

I danced.  I danced with the rhythm, the relaxation, the connection, with my SELF.  I danced, all sensual and sultry and bluesy and funky.  I danced my rhythm.  I danced my vibration.  I grooved.  I forgot everything else, until about 90 seconds in, when I cracked my eyes and noticed 3 or 4 other women, in the center of the circle, getting their own groove on.

It was ... A Moment.  I sang along with the entirety of me, body and soul and heart and vibration and emotion.  It was inspired & divine & easy & perfect - and it was mine.

Link to the song, below:  Karen Drucker, 'Thank You'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf9vRwf2254

Post Life Coaching Foundational Weekend - The High Continues

written Monday, June 13, 2016, 4:36 a.m.

oh my!  Toni is awake, and alive, and stepped into my fullest expansion.  I feel like I'm filled with a huge SECRET of wonder & wonderfulness ... and now it will be revealed to me who I may share it with. 

7:32 a.m.

I want to feel weightless & self-directed & engaged.  I want to love what I'm doing.  I want my "work" to be an extension & expansion of who I really am.  I want meetings to be co-creative, passionate, uplifting - full of discovery & adventure & AHAs & support.  I want to feel weightless.  I want to feel weightless.  Weightless.  I want to feel breath & open space.  I want to feel I expand INTO what I'm doing, all of it; that I'm not recoiling, not shrinking back.  I want to feel like my dance felt on Sunday morning, in class - fully one with my SELF.  I want positive & uplifted & seeking people all around me.  I want to be interacting with people who are doing the work & willing to do the work & loving to do the work, individually and co-creatively.  I want color - in space, in energy, in dialogue.  I want my people!  I want full receptivity to change & expansion & new & leading edge, and I want people who 'GET' all that.  I want to speak my language, the language of my peeps!  I want support, for myself, and to give to these people.  I want REAL.  I want 'snot to be beautiful' (emotion welcome, supported, to move energy).  I WANT MY WORK LIFE TO MOVE ENERGY!  I WANT VISCERAL & AHA & BIRTHING OF BECOMING!!  I want people around me who disdain and shun negativity!  I want SOUL SPEAK, & expansion that keeps adding and adding and adding to well-being and to seeing more & more & more of all that I am, all that each other is, all that we are, all that the work at hand is.  I want to be surrounded by people who are movement-centric, who ask:  how do I _____?  What if I ______?  Let me look behind this door and face what's there, move that energy.  Let me ask for help. 

I want LIFE:  good feeling, positive, movement-focused, open, open spaced seeking LIFE at work, whatever work is.  I want all of that in & of & from & to the work.  I want to FREE myself, my SELF!  I want to dance at work all day; I want work that I think of as 'play - I'm going to play'; I want to do that, wherever I am - life is play, life as play.  I want to be the same inside all the time, no matter what, and then be that outside, all the time.  Seamless.  One.  No separated.

I want to be weightless.  I want to bask in floating downstream, in feeling good by choice, unconditionally, in the path of least resistance.  I want the Hell Yeas!  I want the expansion, because I AM the expansion.  I want to stay limitless, boundless, free, as big as All-That-Is.