Thursday, June 30, 2016

The Universal Positivity a la Toni Effect

In class last night, our tool involved an extensive technique to assist in drawing out a self-designed mantra.  I sagged; I recoiled; I resisted.  It felt ... like an assignment.  It felt ... as if to define a mantra, I would be locking myself into something, a box, a narrow path.  I squirmed & gagged & stiffened & denied.

But what did I then do?

I told my partner the truth.  And I asked to be the coachee, the client.  I invited my source energy to support and join the session, and asked it to help me open.  I flat out didn't want to stay stuck in that pinched off, blocked, negative space.

At the end of the hour-long coaching session, I had a mantra, and my mantra had (& still has) me smiling all through.  [Thank you to my coach, Sherida - you summoned it from me!]

I raise my hands, now, palms up in signal of my willingness to receive, in emphasis of my offering - all are my witnesses.

say YES to
being the conduit for and
facilitator of
'Universal Positivity a la Toni Effect'. 
I do this through allowing,
with humility and exuberance,
invoking creativity and flexibility,
and by always remembering the fun factor --
in all ways,
in every NOW.

I say YES to this mantra as
truth in my life
put it into ACTION as done! 

And so it is.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Purpose as A Component of My Path

All my life, I've resisted goal-setting, defining purpose, specific outlines and aiming of my direction.  I felt ... forced.  I felt ... caged.  I felt ... heavy ... whenever I attempted any of those things, or had to fulfill them as part of job reviews.

I move organically.  Always have.  One book reveals a topic or recommends another ... and so I go.  One conversation piques a resonance to meet someone else, or go somewhere else ... and so I do.  Natural unfolding, uncoerced, revealed moment-by-moment.  Awesome.

At the foundational weekend of my life coaching course, and even at the orientation prior to that, some degree of emphasis was placed on knowing my purpose.  Statements were made that without that knowledge, I'd be aimless, ping-ponging, unfocused.  Internally, I recoiled from that. It sounded like untruth (for me).  So:  I checked in with my Inner Beings, my source, and we collectively agreed if that didn't feel right to me, then it wasn't right for me, and that was/is okay.

This morning, following an outdoor meditation, I wrote, 'Thank you that I'm dreaming, visioning, and really so - not 'wishing', but deep, and deeply-sourced, realizations of my DREAMS and ABILITIES. 
these dreams are guiding me toward discovering how I can be used,
how I may serve, and
toward my purpose. 

my purpose is also ever expanding - it's not a set point, or a goal, at all! 
It's not a one-time, all-encompassing, inflexible thing! 

Whoa!  I LOVE THAT!  oh, I love that!  Because -- it's weightless; it's freeing!  My purpose is to align and take the next step, isn't it!  To feel good, and then to follow inspired action.  oh.  oh.  ohoh.  My purpose, as I'm interpreting it right now, is to serve - no need to define that at all, is there?  That's not my work.

My intention is to feel good, always - wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, whatever is going on, unconditionally.

My desire (purpose) is to serve, to be used for the greatest, highest good of All-That-Is, and All-That-I-Am.

My work (which feels like play) is to allow, to align, to feel good, to vibrationally raise myself to be a match with the steps that will (& do) light up and inspire action -- and to relax, to have fun, to be joyous."

* * * * *

Until that writing, purpose felt like naming an outcome, then forcing a path toward it - rigid, fixed, a trap.  Now, purpose has transformed, has joined the emotions and process of being the path, an element of the path.  Purpose, my purpose is not a destination or a definition, is not predetermined or predefined -- but is part of the discovery, part of my remembering who I really am, more & more & more & more.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

I've Been Forgetting the 'Why'

My Year Word for 2016:  Allowing

Allowing my path to light up.  Allowing flow.  Allowing expansion.  Allowing discovery.  Allowing the goodness to come.  Allowing my worthiness and deservingness.  Allowing awareness.  Allowing it all (of the positive). 

Allowing has meant not deciding, not pre-determining, not defining or boxing things up with neat labels.  Allowing absolutely means, to me, receiving what is shown to me, as it is shown to me.

So -- in the mornings, when I journal, I'm consistently writing that I 'don't know' the outcomes, of anything, let alone the details.  I'm consistently writing that I really feel no need for that kind of knowing.  I love the moment-by-moment delivery, flow.  I continue to go to work, to go to my Life Coaching class, to be with my family, to do chores ... and to be open to what comes, what I receive.  I feel ideas, more & more & more.  The questions I'm asking, all day long, and during meditation, grow - not in quantity, but in depth.  I don't know if or how I'll use this Life Coaching course; I don't have a Master Plan, a defined purpose, and my intention has been steady at 'I want to learn.'

But oh, is it ever resonating, this course.  Words, words are my magic - spoken, written - words.  So many aspects of the coaching classes resonate!  I love the one-to-one dialogues, the AHA moments (mine, others') and discovery, the deepening of my insight & intuition & listening, the mutual empowerment, the way energy moves in and through, joins, listens, flows and contributes, the way I feel AFTER ... turned up, ideally my SELF, in a higher perspective way.  'I' (ego) lessens and lessens, which opens the flow, which opens the opening for everyone. 

Why does this appeal?  Coaching?  I may not know if or how I'll use it, but I've been forgetting the whys of its calling to me.  ... so people can experience AHAs, and weightlessness, and joy, and realization, and fun, and confidence -- and transformation.  So people can step into their gifts, use their true voices more and more, KNOW more and more, be more fully alive in their nows, in their lives, every moment.  So people's hearts can relax, exhale, open.  So people's soul knowing can be heard by them again.  I want people to experience what's happening to me, what's been happening to me.  If I can be a conduit to help people on that journey ... oh.  My!  If I can -- be used to help others find their soothing, and ease, their self-understanding ... oh.  My!!  I want to help others find (again), remember! who-they-really-are!  I love that.  Yes.  I'm not creating that in them - it's already there, has always been there.  But I want to help people recall it, remember it, retrieve it, unbury it, and step into it again, anew.  I want people to LOVE themselves again, open to all-they-are! 

Articulating the why feels like it brings the details' flow closer to me -- the who, what, where, when, & how specifics.  Or anyway, knowing WHY helps shape those, clarify those, and will also help me recognize them as each step lights up for me.  I love that - I still don't know what any of those are, and still don't feel a need to know -- but I do appreciate the clarity that comes from knowing my WHY. 

Thursday, June 23, 2016

To Prefer (Recommended Best Practice)

When I experience 'contrast' - which is how the Law of Attraction refers to 'negativity' -- my practice is to immediately identify what I do want.  Emotions like frustration, anger, depression, or confusion clarify (in the moment) what I DON'T want.  But I don't want to focus there, put my attention there, add momentum to it.  Contrast, since early February 2016, has provided me a deliberate opportunity to 'pivot', to ask, 'Okay, it's clear what I don't want -- what do I want?'

Two examples:
1.  Boring meetings, in which the attendees disagree or discuss topics that just don't resonate with me?  I prefer creativity meetings, where the attendees are my 'peeps' - excited, enthusiastic, positive, and the topics are juicy, creative, equally exciting.  I prefer meetings I/we never want to end, because there is so much co-creating and idea-hatching and passion being exchanged.  Hell yea.

2.  A role/project that has had me increasingly cornered into the role of company nag, to the point that people 'just ignore me'?  I prefer to effect my organizational skills in a way that serves the higher interest of all (myself included), and All-That-Is, and to enjoy responsiveness, willing updates, and communication.  I prefer that those on the receiving end of my emails are excited to see my name on the sender line, and stop everything they're doing to focus on what I'm sharing.  I prefer to ignite sparks in people's hearts and souls, not light dynamite under their resistant heinies.  Hell yea.

Today, after 4-1/2 months of relentless practicing of this naming of and asking for what I prefer, what I want, the entire nature of a huge aspect of my professional role changed.  I had no idea it was coming; didn't see it coming at all.  But every essence and component of my preferences are represented in the change. 

Manifestation.  Path lighting up.  I didn't surrender to 'what is' (negativity, negative emotions, attracting more of that).  Instead, I actively and deliberately created my own reality; I pivoted, I redefined, I up-leveled, I raised my vibration.  And it will only get better, because every day for 4-1/2 months, and ongoing, I'm continuing to create what I want and not stay stuck in 'what is'. 

Hell yea.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Howdy, Roy

a meditation about money ...

I love money, and money loves me.  Money is just energy, all energy, flowing energy.  Money loves me, and can't wait to flow to me, to collaborate with me. 

Money is lilac light at sunset, the smell of honeysuckle, the internal soundtrack of train whistles and slide guitar.  Money drives a vintage pick-up and wears muddy boots, all swagger and dash, or sashay and flounce, and such a great ass, either way, all ways!  Money sports a perfect 5 o'clock shadow, or the most ideal messy up-do, and laugh lines, and throws its head back to laugh from its belly, every time. 

I love money, and money loves me.  We're running partners - heading down back alleys and dirt roads, bumping Stevie Ray Vaughan and Led Zeppelin, Heart and Grace Potter, mixing in some Erik Satie and Boney James.  Our dialogue is endless, all threads pulled together from our hearts - open share, total reveal.  We love collaborating.  We love getting into mischief-of-the-positive-kind together!  We love pulling out our giving maps and devising our plans.  Money is my wing man, and I am money's wing woman.  A team.  Inside each other's heads.  It's so easy; we're so easy and natural together.  Money and I pop the tabs on a cold one and lay back like teenagers in our floating chairs, splashing and lazing in the pool at the end of a summer day.  Money is Captain Jack Sparrow and Zena and Janis Joplin and Jimmy Page, and every possible swashbuckler and pirate and unceasing adventurer, male and female, all the way in it with me. 

Money is my non-physical energy team, in capacity beyond standing-room-only with positive and participating entities.  We jump fences and throw energy cherry bombs into the cosmos; we dance around fires on the beach; we surf our own energy waves and play tag with sharks and whales and every winged thing.  We toast each other with tequila or cherry Koolaid, with Arnold Palmers or Diet Coke with Lime.  Something we're wearing is always either leather or fringed, usually both.  We cut the fruit of everything open and swallow every good juice.  We flow love.  We flow fun. 

Money loves me and I love money; we're the same; we're kindreds; we're best friends and partners in positive crimes!  So easy.  So organic and natural. 

I feel like you all, you cadre of entities and energy, want to have a name.  I love it!  So what's your name, then?  Tell me.  [I see an image, a flash, from the movie Quigley Down Under, of Cora (me) and Quigley (you) - kooky, deep, focused, strong, and real - each and all of us with deadly aim!  Ahhhh - I understand.] 

Your collective name is Roy.  Roy.  Yes, of course.

Howdy, Roy.   Ohhh -- howdy. 

Wanna lace up our boots, jump in that cosmic truck, and go blow some shit up? 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

A Dance with My SELF

On the morning of Sunday, June 12th, at my coaching class, the ±70 of us in the class spread out in a large circle around the perimeter of the huge room we met in, sitting on mats or cushions or in chairs on the ground, with backs on them.  After a guided group meditation, our instructor put on a song - inviting us to sing along, as 'the lyrics are simple'.

I sat in one of those on-the-ground chairs, but sitting upright in a seated mediation position.  Relaxed, from the mediation - so relaxed. 

The song began, easy drums, a female voice I liked immediately.  Then ... that rhythm, that sensual, sultry, funky, bluesy rhythm.  I began noddin' & boppin' in place, and very quickly couldn't contain it.  I stood up, stepped back behind my chair, behind the group, and closed my eyes. 

I danced.  I danced with the rhythm, the relaxation, the connection, with my SELF.  I danced, all sensual and sultry and bluesy and funky.  I danced my rhythm.  I danced my vibration.  I grooved.  I forgot everything else, until about 90 seconds in, when I cracked my eyes and noticed 3 or 4 other women, in the center of the circle, getting their own groove on.

It was ... A Moment.  I sang along with the entirety of me, body and soul and heart and vibration and emotion.  It was inspired & divine & easy & perfect - and it was mine.

Link to the song, below:  Karen Drucker, 'Thank You'.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Post Life Coaching Foundational Weekend - The High Continues

written Monday, June 13, 2016, 4:36 a.m.
oh my!  Toni is awake, and alive, and stepped into my fullest expansion.  I feel like I'm filled with a huge SECRET of wonder & wonderfulness ... and now it will be revealed to me who I may share it with. 

7:32 a.m.
I want to feel weightless & self-directed & engaged.  I want to love what I'm doing.  I want my "work" to be an extension & expansion of who I really am.  I want meetings to be co-creative, passionate, uplifting - full of discovery & adventure & AHAs & support.  I want to feel weightless.  I want to feel weightless.  Weightless.  I want to feel breath & open space.  I want to feel I expand INTO what I'm doing, all of it; that I'm not recoiling, not shrinking back.  I want to feel like my dance felt on Sunday morning, in class - fully one with my SELF.  I want positive & uplifted & seeking people all around me.  I want to be interacting with people who are doing the work & willing to do the work & loving to do the work, individually and co-creatively.  I want color - in space, in energy, in dialogue.  I want my people!  I want full receptivity to change & expansion & new & leading edge, and I want people who 'GET' all that.  I want to speak my language, the language of my peeps!  I want support, for myself, and to give to these people.  I want REAL.  I want 'snot to be beautiful' (emotion welcome, supported, to move energy).  I WANT MY WORK LIFE TO MOVE ENERGY!  I WANT VISCERAL & AHA & BIRTHING OF BECOMING!!  I want people around me who disdain and shun negativity!  I want SOUL SPEAK, & expansion that keeps adding and adding and adding to well-being and to seeing more & more & more of all that I am, all that each other is, all that we are, all that the work at hand is.  I want to be surrounded by people who are movement-centric, who ask:  how do I _____?  What if I ______?  Let me look behind this door and face what's there, move that energy.  Let me ask for help. 

I want LIFE:  good feeling, positive, movement-focused, open, open spaced seeking LIFE at work, whatever work is.  I want all of that in & of & from & to the work.  I want to FREE myself, my SELF!  I want to dance at work all day; I want work that I think of as 'play - I'm going to play'; I want to do that, wherever I am - life is play, life as play.  I want to be the same inside all the time, no matter what, and then be that outside, all the time.  Seamless.  One.  No separated.

I want to be weightless.  I want to bask in floating downstream, in feeling good by choice, unconditionally, in the path of least resistance.  I want the Hell Yeas!  I want the expansion, because I AM the expansion.  I want to stay limitless, boundless, free, as big as All-That-Is. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Life Coaching Certification Course has Begun!

Friday, June 10:  6p-10p*
Saturday, June 11: 9a-6p
Sunday, June 12: 9a-6p

*Written Saturday, June 11, 2016, 5:32 a.m.

Wow!  Oh!!  Last night rocked! 

They asked about our intentions. 
INTENTION.  Intention.  Hmm.  Intention.
To feel good.  To inspire people to their own inner honing device & guidance.
To be a conduit for empowerment.
To be a conduit for empowerment.
To be the conduit that empowers people to the discovery of their own voice, the REAL one.
To be a conduit for introducing others to their own royalty, perfection, voice, creating.
To be a conduit for empowerment & discovery & self-love (others, for themselves).
To be a conduit for everything positive - emotion, action, creativity, empowerment, adventure, self-love.
To be a conduit that helps other people turn on their empowered switch, and help me keep my own turned on.

What's coming up for me already is enormous love:  love for me; love for finding myself among people who speak my language (HOME); love for what I've seen in the others, and learned about them; love for the energy & seeking & openness; love for the willingness to be open & exposed & REAL; love for a place to be All That I Am, all that I truly am; love that I'm in a wholly positive place coming into & being here, a place of discovering the momentum of positivity and my genuine realness.

To be a conduit for the momentum of positivity.

Love of being somewhere, and with people, where I don't have to edit or hold back or shrink-to-fit or quantify or qualify or justify or modify or dilute my WHOLE SELF.


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Skinny Dipping

I've spent the last few days purposely entering every moment voluntarily stripped, meeting every now with full reveal, and feeling my way to PERSONAL NAKEDNESS in a breezy, violet-colored internal dusk - oceanside, of course - my favorite location (real or imagined). 

My natural state, coming into my physical form/manifestation, was total self love, whole acceptance; I naturally viewed myself as perfect - now, and now, and now.  Life over my years has conditioned me to weave myself in layers, veils, buffers, barriers, defenses, to hide - not only from other eyes, but from my own. 

All that extra weight - for what?  All that suffocating, tangled-up and too-hot drapery - why?  I want to feel good - and none of this makes me feel good anymore.  I choose not to hide, not in any way, not for or from anyone or anything, and especially not from myself.

Skinny dipping is way more fun - sorta sassy, sorta risqué, definitely a new twist on the old self-view.  This orange-blue-purple light, soft and sultry, looks so good on me, I must say.  I feel both safe (private) and completely focused beyond my familiar zone (exposed).  And hey, you know what?  I don't need soft light and shadows - I'm beautiful!  I make the light & the air & the breezes & the waves look better than they ever have.  My curves, my scars, my blemishes, my incredible eyes, my growing-out hair, my long legs, my moles, my crepe-y underarm wave-backs ... stunning!  There's no criticism in any of that - it's adoration.  It's admiration and amazed/amazing love!  I mean, to bring me all out into the light, any light, and peruse myself with loving eyes, to see perfection in everything as it is?!   I'm remembering what 'natural' truly means, where my SELF is concerned.

I thought it was dusk in my mind -- it's actually dawn.  Dawning.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Appreciation in Advance: Thank You Letter for What's Coming

Dear Dear Dear Us!

Thank you for breezes & birds & brilliance & baths & beauty, in every essence of abundance.  Thank you that every now is oceanside & Boho & bubbly & vapor trails & cloud speak & exquisite connection.  Thank you for the thrill & flow of my long hair, so full & thick & wondrous & sensual, and for your expertise in how to care for & style it.  Thank you for my radiant health, my vibrancy & vitality, the alignment of my trillions of cells with us, for my firm arms & abs, my glow, my unlimited smiles & curiosity & joy, and especially for the vast, and vastly expanding, love of and for myself.  Thank you that every now draws me into full awareness of and appreciation for who-I-really-am.  I joyously appreciate excelling in my Life Coaching course - my eagerness & my absorption, my power and my confidence, my utter alignment with this focus area, the sweet & uplifting rendezvous & co-creative participation of all, of us, of you.  I adore feeling my expansion at work, the exhilarating ease & positivity, the endless enormity of my capacity and capabilities.  I thank you for the positive cooperation of & interactions with my colleagues in all that I/we do.  I value and appreciate the rise and expansion in and of all my relationships - the unlimited & unsurpassed love.  I thank you for the unlimited fun & happiness of the financial ease and abundance flowing to & through me in delicious, surprising unfolding & reveal.  I appreciate the ease & wonder of my interactions with people, with money, with contrast, with feeling magnificent in all my nows.  I cherish, adore, & appreciate our vibrational dialogues all the time, and our awesome exchanges during meditation.  I appreciate beyond words the clarity that comes through consciously choosing to feel good, unconditionally, in my every now.  I trust us, you, me, utterly - eternally.  I love the beauty & peace & perfection of my home and home environment.  I'm thrilled by the inspired actions and manifestations that continually flow to me.  I'm in love with 'HELL YEAs'.  I'm in love with myself.  I appreciate knowing who I am!  I love knowing who I am and celebrating my worthiness & deservingness in every aspect of my life.  I appreciate the growth of and response to my blog, the stream of positive comments and emails, and the co-creative collaboration that goes into the composition of each post.  I appreciate and bask in the free-flowing fun of all my imaginings and deliberate creating.  Thank you for the birds coming so close, loving me, trusting me, and understanding my limitless love for them.  Thank you for the constant polka-dot feelings inside, the exuberance, the sass, the humor, the clapping-of-hands delight, the discovery,

the JOY!  the JOY!  the JOY!

And thank you for how easy it all is.

For Eternity,


Saturday, June 4, 2016

Grocery Cart Outfitter Kit (how to be an idea conduit)

Took my son to work this a.m., 5:15 - love it when I tell my tales and make him grin and laugh.  On the way home, was suddenly inspired to go ahead and get gas.  At the station, while pumping gas, I saw the homeless woman who travels about in my neighborhood with her carts - I call her The 2 Cart Lady.  [I tried to give her a banana once, but she declined.]  Inside the station, paying for gas and sundry other items, I asked the clerk about The 2 Cart Lady - is there something she stops in for, that she likes?  He said she had just come in for coffee, and he and other clerks have tried to offer her things but she won't take them.  I decided against a goody bag for her, to respect her independence and pride.  But as I was driving out, and seeing the jumble of items in her carts, and remembering watching her roll one cart up the street, then walk back for the other, I had AN IDEA.

I love ideas.  As soon as I got home, I wrote this:

'What about a grocery cart outfitter kit?  Something that fits the existing dimensions of a grocery cart, but offers pockets and dividers, for organization of items, inside the cart, under the cart, and with flaps that fold over outside the cart frame?  Maybe a PVC pipe pull-up system that holds a hidden awning flap that flips out, for sun or rain protection.  What about a hidden compartment for more valuable items?  what about collapsible dividers that can be pulled upright, with insulated corner joinings which, if you slide a plastic water bottle into them, will then support the flap - and insulate the bottles if they're full and cold? 

Who could I work with to design one?  What fun!  People who are homeless - by choice or not, might love something like this.  And oh!  oh!  what about a cart extender?  Some other, smaller, rolling basket, that could be clipped onto a grocery cart for more storage?  It couldn't be like a side car on a motorcycle, because of sidewalk clearance space.  And you'd have to be able to 'drive' the whole thing, manage and maneuver it.  So ... how about a pull trailer, so the person could stand between the front cart, step through a swing gate between it and the trailer, and push like normal but pull both?  The pull trailer could be a modified grocery cart, maybe have different kinds of 'shelves' or box compartments, and a slide-over cover for rain and privacy protection, like those covers you pull over tents or patio furniture.

Carts being trashed by stores ('retired') could be cut down, sized, re-wheeled.  And materials?  What's at Good Will and other thrift stores that could be upcycled, used?  For the kit itself, for kit cover?  I mean - recycled carts, old tires of some sort (bigger, stronger), tent material, fabrics found at thrift stores (canvas, outdoor furniture type stuff, nylon, or something better/sturdier) ... and a volunteer team of welders to create the pull trailer. 

Work in tandem with shelters and builders and designers to create a few prototypes; work closely with homeless peeps, see what they want, need, prefer, get their input.  And using recycled/upcycled materials - awesome!  What about some solar-powered lights in/around it, for night use?  Is there a solar powered hot plate invention out there [yes]? 

I'm obsessed with creating a HOME FEELING for everyone, if not a home itself. 

What about a kit, on wheels, that isn't a grocery cart but has storage and a hot plate, a bed roll, stuff like that, for use in emergencies/natural disasters?  What about adding a compartment for those that have pets, where the animal could snuggle and sleep, or ride along so its pawlets don't get fried by Phoenix pavements? 

I am very clearly a co-creator of non-profit ideas/businesses -- ha!  and I LOVE it! 

Why not a commissary for the homeless - The Homeless Outfitters, or Independence Outfitters, something like that - where folks could come and trade recycled items for a solar plate, or trade time for a kit - something like that?  Or work to design and build their own kit?  Have a workshop with volunteers for that.  And have donations to stock the 'store' part - not food, but kit materials, or kit components if people don't want a full cart kit?  There are locker and closet and pantry and laundry room storage systems and components - why not for grocery carts?  And what is there in thrift stores that's always donated, available, that could be used, modified as a base, or as an outfitter organizational component? 

Yes.  yes yes yes yes yes.  I love how it just keeps growing in my head!  And if by posting this idea, somebody sees it and runs with it?  HELL YEA.  That could be the whole reason why I suddenly, out of the blue, had the impulse to go top off my gas tank.  Co-creation!  Collaboration!  That could be why our neighborhood 2 Cart Lady was nearby - to inspire the idea!  Maybe retired people who have been asking for purposeful work, for the opportunity to continue to use their skillsets but in an expanded way, will find this post and find their answer.  I don't own ideas.  No idea is mine alone; I received this one - I can spread it and share it, be excited about, and maybe deliver it to those it's truly meant for, right?  I am a willing co-creator and collaborator; I get to be -- AND WANT TO BE -- a conduit.  Yea. 


Thursday, June 2, 2016

The Opposite Arc of the Negative Wave

Here's what's cool:  feeling good because I want to.  Just because I want to.  No reason, no condition - just because I choose to feel good.  I've gotten better and better at this.  I love it more and more, too. 

Flip side/realization:  there's no reason, ever, not to feel good.  A crushing interaction or event or condition illuminates two things:   what I categorically do not want, and, alternately, what I absolutely do want.  This is the part I'm getting better and better at -- realizing that a wave which initially feels like it's capsizing and drowning me (or just plain getting on my laaaaaast neeerrrvvvee) has a flip side, an opposite arc, and one of positivity - it's an indicator of my preference, my wish, my desire. 


So, today:  here comes Joe Knucklehead -- and now what happens for me is that I see/ask a few things: 
1.  what is still vibrating in me that is drawing him to me?;
2.  what is his negative presence and/or conversation showing me on the opposite, positive, arc, in terms of what I do want?; and
3. 'negativity', no matter how extreme, is always an opportunity for me to clarify my desires. 

#3 = the practice and focus aspect for me, ongoing.  To maintain my alignment in the middle of the interaction, to consciously review how I feel, and to continuously pivot, asking, 'what do I prefer?'   What I'm learning is that it's not always possible in the moment to manage my end of a conversation and my internal efforts to focus on the pivot.  It's always worth my time to find 3 or 4 minutes, immediately after, to go through the practice.  It's also always worth my time, even if I don't get to it until I'm home in the evening, or during my evening meditation.  It's always worth it because every time I pivot, and raise my vibration on a subject, an event, a person, it shows up differently (improved) the next time.  I've changed my point of attraction on it, or on the person.  I may still have to practice that pivot, but each time it's expanded and expanding, and the situation or person comes to me in an expanded, altered manner.  In some cases, it's even (eventually) gone away entirely. 

And, beautifully, it's easy for me to do.  Start where I am - truth, the truth about it, no hiding, no sugar-coating ... then keep working my way up in my thoughts, finding a thought that feels better, or relaxes me a little, and then another.  After just a few seconds of doing this, these thoughts begin to arrive more easily, and then to gather.  All I'm trying to do is pivot and rise, little by little.  Any lift in positivity is relevant. 

[Joe Knucklehead is so annoying, always coming at me like he's the Master and I'm the student underling, at his disposal.  I can't stand it when I see him coming.  It helps if I take a deep breath and just consciously decide to face him and to listen.  I realize he generally has a good idea.  It's just his condescending delivery that puts me off.  Hmm, I also just realized that he tends to come to me as a sounding board for all these ideas.  If only he would drop the pontificating and posturing, and admit he has respect for my suggestions!  He does always give me credit in meetings for my contributions, though.  Why does he feel he has to be so haughty?  Oh, wow -- here's an AHA:  everything he's suggested so far, that we've implemented, has made my life easier, not just his. I want to let that sink in. ]

Anyway, I'm not saying I get from pond bottom to high flying; but I do get from pond bottom to a lightened irritation level, for instance, or to an insight that gives me pause and is my starting point next time.  The new starting point is where I meet the person, the event, the condition, the next time. 

Perfect.  Always rising.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Turning Back to Self

Social conditioning/training/upbringing expect/demand:  empathy.  Concern.  Involvement. Engaged caring for friends and co-workers when they're experiencing challenges.  All this as 'proof' of that caring.

I call Time Out On That.  Permanent Time Out. 

To effect my own well-being demands, to maintain and expand my own ease and alignment necessitate, leaving other people's issues alone - especially other people's issues of the negative, issues of the pissy, issues of confusion, issues of the re-hashing-to-death of issues, issues of discussing the negative, pissy, confused re-hash. 

In order to be of any value to anyone (beginning with & especially myself), I need to feel good, to stay aligned.  I have nothing to offer if I allow my own well-being to be cross-pollinated with issues having nothing to do with me, even if my intentions are sincere. 

These other people have inner beings of their own; they're creating the design of their own lives; they are making their own choices. 

Two of the main resonating pieces of advice I've received from the Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction (LOA) books are:

1.  Nothing or no one is broken; nothing and no one need to be fixed.  [Everyone and everything is in its/their own right place at the right time, right NOW.  and now.  and now.  and now - according to its/their own creation/design/choice/alignment.]

2.  There's nothing serious going on here.  [Our natural state is joy, well-being - we individually load that down with resistance, but when we let resistance go, we flow/float right back up to that natural high state.  Feeling good isn't serious - it's natural.  The example always used in the LOA books , and which I ADORE, is of a cork:  you can hold a cork down (resistance) - sure you can, but as soon as you let it go (resistance), it pops right back up to that high place.]

In Application:
A co-worker who is also a friend I cherish has been going through some contrast - which she would define as 'serious shite'.  I've stayed the course with her, trying along the way (with various degrees of success) not to cross-pollinate, not to mix her pessimism, frustration, or anger with my ease, alignment, and well-being. 

I've been ... trying to have a foot in both places.  AHA.  Balanced empathy?  ... or something like that.  I'm sure there's a way to effect that, from a place of alignment, because sometimes I've hit that mark.  But mainly, I end up falling off my High Place and smacking head-first into talking about it (from her perspective). 

Repeat:  neither she, nor the situation, is broken or needs to be fixed.  She has the option of choosing to see what she wants to see, noticing the contrast and saying to herself, 'I prefer ______' and therefore deliberately creating something different.  She's not choosing that; she's choosing to fly low.  Her choice.  Always her choice.

I have the option of staying my own course:  GOAL, MY ONE AND ONLY GOAL:  TO FEEL GOOD.  Well-being.  Alignment.  And I'm not willing to sacrifice that to try to help someone else feel good, when she can do that for herself.  I choose, and will ever choose, my own well-being first. 

Point:  mind my own business.  My OWN business.  Trust she's handling hers, and wish her love, see her at her best, believe in her in her highest expansion ... otherwise, I repeat:  MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.   And begin to understand/believe this is the highest offering of love I can give her.   She's not broken; she doesn't need fixing; she doesn't need my counsel, my efforts to cheer her up, my sending of meaningful positive quotes.   I repeat:  she's got her own Inner Being (and her own non-physical, Universal posse) focusing on her at all times.  She doesn't need me at all, despite all the social conditioning she's internalized that tell her she does.

I let go.  I let it go to my own flow, my own ease and joy, my own bubbly, polka-dot internal laughing and play.  I give up.  I give her up to her own management.  Guilt-free release so I can float, bob, leap, jump, love, laugh, delight, appreciate, and FLY HIGH.

Note:  an hour after posting this, I saw the below Abraham quote on Pinterest - very clarifying!  I see there is more opportunity for me to learn/expand, and to resolve and dissolve some old activated vibrations that are drawing these conversations to me:

'You are the creator of what comes out of everyone's mouth
you set the vibrational tone that evokes it.'