Here's what's cool: feeling good because I want to. Just because I want to. No reason, no condition - just because I choose to feel good. I've gotten better and better at this. I love it more and more, too.
Flip side/realization: there's no reason, ever, not to feel good. A crushing interaction or event or condition illuminates two things: what I categorically do not want, and, alternately, what I absolutely do want. This is the part I'm getting better and better at -- realizing that a wave which initially feels like it's capsizing and drowning me (or just plain getting on my laaaaaast neeerrrvvvee) has a flip side, an opposite arc, and one of positivity - it's an indicator of my preference, my wish, my desire.
Awesome.
So, today: here comes Joe Knucklehead -- and now what happens for me is that I see/ask a few things:
1. what is still vibrating in me that is drawing him to me?;
2. what is his negative presence and/or conversation showing me on the opposite, positive, arc, in terms of what I do want?; and
3. 'negativity', no matter how extreme, is always an opportunity for me to clarify my desires.
#3 = the practice and focus aspect for me, ongoing. To maintain my alignment in the middle of the interaction, to consciously review how I feel, and to continuously pivot, asking, 'what do I prefer?' What I'm learning is that it's not always possible in the moment to manage my end of a conversation and my internal efforts to focus on the pivot. It's always worth my time to find 3 or 4 minutes, immediately after, to go through the practice. It's also always worth my time, even if I don't get to it until I'm home in the evening, or during my evening meditation. It's always worth it because every time I pivot, and raise my vibration on a subject, an event, a person, it shows up differently (improved) the next time. I've changed my point of attraction on it, or on the person. I may still have to practice that pivot, but each time it's expanded and expanding, and the situation or person comes to me in an expanded, altered manner. In some cases, it's even (eventually) gone away entirely.
And, beautifully, it's easy for me to do. Start where I am - truth, the truth about it, no hiding, no sugar-coating ... then keep working my way up in my thoughts, finding a thought that feels better, or relaxes me a little, and then another. After just a few seconds of doing this, these thoughts begin to arrive more easily, and then to gather. All I'm trying to do is pivot and rise, little by little. Any lift in positivity is relevant.
[Joe Knucklehead is so annoying, always coming at me like he's the Master and I'm the student underling, at his disposal. I can't stand it when I see him coming. It helps if I take a deep breath and just consciously decide to face him and to listen. I realize he generally has a good idea. It's just his condescending delivery that puts me off. Hmm, I also just realized that he tends to come to me as a sounding board for all these ideas. If only he would drop the pontificating and posturing, and admit he has respect for my suggestions! He does always give me credit in meetings for my contributions, though. Why does he feel he has to be so haughty? Oh, wow -- here's an AHA: everything he's suggested so far, that we've implemented, has made my life easier, not just his. I want to let that sink in. ]
Anyway, I'm not saying I get from pond bottom to high flying; but I do get from pond bottom to a lightened irritation level, for instance, or to an insight that gives me pause and is my starting point next time. The new starting point is where I meet the person, the event, the condition, the next time.
Perfect. Always rising.
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